On the occasion of International Family Day, the Large Families Association of Croatia is bringing to us an inspiring interview with the Jarnjak couple, from a small town near Varaždin, in Croatia.
Katarina is a valuable member of Board of directors of the Croatian Large Families Association Obitelji 3plus.
Obitelji 3plus: Tell us something about yourselves
Mario: We are family Jarnjak. There are seven of us. We have been married for 10 and a half years. We have five children. My wife has a master’s degree in social pedagogy, and I have a master’s degree in animal sciences. We built our nest in a small town near Varaždin. We wanted to be near the city, and on the other hand have a large yard and the peace and freedom that a smaller environment gives.
Obitelji 3plus: How do you cope with the challenges and joy of raising five kids?
Katarina: First of all, I would say that raising five children is a great joy, and then a challenge. People often ask this question: “Why did you decide to have more children?”, and our question is: “Why not?” For us, children are joy and with each new child comes new joy to the family, so to us a logical question would be why to close ourselves to this beautiful gift. To us, every child is a priceless gift. A gift to our parents, a gift to brothers and sisters, but also to the whole community.
There are challenges, but to raise one child is also challenging. I look at challenges as an opportunity for growth. The more challenges, the more thinking and searching for solutions. This strengthens our bonds and relationships within the family. It equires cooperation. Until now, every difficulty for us was a lesson in which we learned something new and moved on strengthened for another life experience.
Obitelji 3plus: How do you organize everyday schedule ad find a balance between family duties and your own interests and needs
Mario: My wife and I, each on our mobile phone, have a joint calendar in which we enter all joint and individual obligations and activities. At the same time, the alarm often reminds us of the same so that we don’t miss something. And it works well. It is important to me that before going to work I have time for physical activity and preparation of the daily plan. When my housemates are still asleep, I have my own
time to get ready for the day.
Katarina: What is important to me is that every day I have at least 15 minutes in peace and quiet to introduce and prepare me for the day. The rest of the day, however much it is spent with the children, is really just my time, which I adapt to my interests. So, for example, it relaxes me to read a good book as much as possible with the children. When they read their book or draw, I read mine. When I feel like going out into nature, I go with my children and that’s where I satisfy my need for being in nature. When I want to try a new recipe, I involve the children in cooking. I’m not one of those people who thinks that I need a lot of my free time to be satisfied.
Mario: What is important to us is that my wife and I have our time together. It fills us up and strengthens us for all family obligations. Spouses are the base, the foundation of the family. When the foundation is good, everything else is an upgrade.
Obitelji 3plus: What are the most important values that you want to pass to your children and how do you promote them in everyday life
Mario: Our most important value is faith. It is the most precious legacy we can leave them. After that comes the work. Work through physical tasks, but also work habits related to education. We often involve children in physical work in the yard. So, together with the children, I haul wood, rake leaves, take care of the small vegetable garden, etc. In the house, everyone takes care of the orderliness of their room. An important rule is that everyone cleans up after themselves after a meal. If someone is small and cannot do it, someone older than him does it. The big ones vacuum and take out the garbage, while the little ones clean up the toys. Each person has their own job adapted to their age. Mutual appreciation and respect for differences is something that can be easily trained in a large family, given the coexistence with different characters and personalities.
Obitelji 3plus: How did your priorities an perspectives change with the family growth?
Katarina: With the arrival of each new child, we as parents also changed. Each child brings change and new reorganization to the family. Reorganization of ourselves, but also of the family as a whole. What our children have brought to us is more simplicity and management. It is not the same to go for a walk with one child or with three children. Good logistics are needed there. It is also not the same to go on a trip with two children or with five children. As parents we were forced to simplify things. Then we realized that we made it more complicated with one child than with five. That’s why we often say that each child is a gift to us, along with several other gifts that are for our parents’ personal growth. What is certain is that now with the five of them we enjoy it even more than when we had one or two children.
Mario: Our free time has also changed, which is expected to be much less, but we use it better when we have less, because we use it for what is important, for priorities. We have changed some of our priorities that we once considered important. We realized that some things are more a matter of comfort. Likewise, some ventures that we thought we couldn’t do with children, we realized over time that we can do with them as well. So, for example, it is possible to go on a trip with children or go hiking on a mountain.
Katarina: Once we got a comment that we are spending the best years of our lives with our children and because of them we are limited in some activities, but this is far from the truth because we can do a lot with them, too. We don’t think we’re missing out on something because we are raising more children.
Obitelji 3plus: What motivated you to have a big family?
Mario: Through some people that are close to us, we have seen how joyful and cheerful bigger families are, and how the family improves with each new member. We haven’t met a family that regrets having more children yet, but we know some who regret not daring to have another child.
Katarina: I also come from a large family and my brothers and sisters are some of my best friends. We also wanted to give our children friends for life. In larger families, there are more obligations, but there is also much more fun, children become independent quickly, learn to be sensitive to the needs of others, fight for themselves, when necessary, do a lot of joint and creative activities, and acquire some skills
faster.
Obitelji 3plus: How do you support individual interests and talents of each child within a big family?
Mario: Every child has his own preferences. It is important for us that every child finds himself in something, that he discovers his talent and works on it. We, as the parents, are here to help him discover what his talent is, and then encourage the child to be persistent be diligent about that talent. It is important to us that we encourage children to develop their talents to the same extent, that what we have enabled for
one to enable for another, third child…
Obitelji 3plus: What are the biggest challenges of life in a big family, especially nowadays?
Mario: The challenge is to fit everything in the same time space. In the beginning, when the children are small, we are limited in time, but when they grow up a little, they are more independent, so we, the parents, are more free. One of the biggest challenges is how to dedicate yourself individually to each child, but with good will and creativity, even that challenge can be overcome. We carry out some activities
with the children separately, so it is an opportunity for individual socializing.
Obitelji 3plus: Do you have financial challenges and how do you cope with them?
Katarina: I have the impression that today in society there is an opinion that a child is a big expense. Even when people start multiplying the cost per child by the number of children, it can seem like a lot. But that is not so. Financially, it is certainly more challenging when there are more children, but our experience is that we spend the most money on the first child. We teach children that they don’t have to and can’t have everything they want, that they can inherit clothes and shoes from each other, and they accepted it well. In the family, we joke that the basement where we store things is our store. When someone wants new sneakers, he just goes to the basement where there is a storage room and chooses what he needs. Likewise, when they want a new toy, we bring out a box with already forgotten toys.
Obitelji 3plus: How do you build strong mutual bonds between children and encourage family community?
Mario: Together socializing and joint trips, but also an individual approach to each individual child is what strengthens and connects us. Joint support for a family member is very important to us. So, for example, when the sons have a match or the daughter a dance performance or there is a musical production or a final performance, it is important to us that the whole family supports that child by coming to the performance or a football match.
Katarina: Support and togetherness is not important when it’s only special days, we see that relationships are strengthened on an everyday level. So, the evening is the most beautiful part of the day for us. When all the activities and duties are over, there is usually a more relaxed atmosphere, and we all find ourselves in the same room. We always end the day with a joint prayer, reading a story and recounting the day’s events. It is also the time when we apologize to each other for everything that went wrong that day, but also to share the beautiful moments of that day. Often there is a lot of laughter, and even dancing and singing, so the children don’t want to go to sleep.
Obitelji 3plus: How does your family celebrate special occasions like birthdays, holidays or family traditions?
Katarina: It is actually often celebrated here. If we add up birthday and name day celebrations only our families, it turns out that there are 14 celebrations in a year. So, once or twice there are bigger celebrations every month. We usually decorate the house for those days, special attention is paid gifted to that family member, the celebrant’s favorite food is cooked and baked time is dedicated only to the celebrant.
It is important that we also show with external gestures that every member of the family is precious. We prepare especially for the holiday’s days or weeks in advance and that’s it especially festive days with us. At the same time, the process itself is important to us, that it goes well let’s have fun and learn something, but the outcome itself.
Obitelji 3plus: How did you as parents learn how to adjust to different characters and needs of every child within your family.
Mario: Sometimes one parent pulls more, and sometimes the other parent. It is not easy to reconcile all needs, but it is important to listen. Sometimes it’s time for the mother to get more involved, and sometimes it’s time for the father. Each of them is unique and original in its own way, and therefore there is no universal formula for every child.
Obitelji 3plus: What is so specific about your family; what choices, decisions and circumstances are you specially proud of?
Katarina: Sometimes one parent pulls more, and sometimes the other parent. It is not easy to reconcile all needs, but it is important to listen. Sometimes it’s time for the mother to get more involved, and sometimes it’s time for the father. Each of them is unique and original in its own way, and therefore there is no universal formula for every child.